September 23, 2010.

Yesterday (September 23, 2010) my grandfather passed away. He was 90 years old and lived a great, long life. I'm just so sad I couldn't be there when everything was happening. I love him so much, as well as my whole family. I love and miss them all so much. It was really rough when I found out because I'm so far from reach. I know for sure Poppa is in a better place now and looking down on us. I want to be there for my Nana. Sunday would have been their 51st wedding anniversary...

I admire the long life he had and the wonderful long marriage Nana & Poppa had as well. I really hope I can say the same for myself in my lifetime. I am so happy I was able to talk to them last week over Google Talk...it was free so I had a really nice, long conversation with them. He kept telling me that they loved me.  Oh god, I miss him so much already...

Today, I went on a field study trip to Assisi, Italy. My mom kept telling me Poppa would want me to go. I thought about him a lot while we were there but it helped to keep me busy too. We were guided through the main church. I lit a candle for Poppa and also, Mr. Crisafulli. I prayed for them, to keep them safe and for my/their family to get us through this unbearable time.

My roommate and I hiked up to the Fortress in the town, which was great because it helped to relieve some stress. The view was breathtaking and well worth the hike.

There is no great segway into this but I keep having thoughts on death. I've never had someone so close to me die before. I cried a lot but I still feel as though I'm in shock, with both deaths. I've had classmates, my other grandfather and my great-grandfather pass away but the family members didn't live very close. The classmates I knew but either hadn't talked to in a few years or it was when were very young. When I was younger I used to go over to Nana & Poppa's house every Friday night. We would watch TGIF on ABC and usually make snacks. Nana & Poppa's house was/ will always be a safe haven...a comfortable place to be. I can't even imagine coming back to the states and dealing with going to their house. I will do it because I love them and I love Nana but it will be so hard. Pasta dinners at Nana's house will always be amazing but it really won't be the same without Poppa sitting right next to me...A piece of the puzzle will be forever missing. :-(

The services are tomorrow and I am depressed I can't be there. I'm not a train ride away, I'm not even in the same time zone. I'm 6 hours ahead of when the services will be.
I feel so lucky to have this opportunity to be living in Italy and really enjoy it but I can't help but feel sadness and remorse. Family is family and grandparents are grandparents. They are so important, they link you to who you are and where you came from. My heart will be there tomorrow and I know they know that.

I love you Poppa, you are forever in my heart. <3